Going out with a software engineer / nerd (part 2)
So the second part of what it is like to go out with a nerd; the not-so-good bits. After thinking this through a bit I do think the good outweighs the bad. No-one is perfect including myself. So hopefully below is a description of some of the quirks you may face if you go out with a nerd / engineer…
- Arguments: hard to win. He always argues from an extremely logical viewpoint but drains the emotion away and you may feel like you can never live up to this person. The way you respond emotionally isn’t correct, the way you argue isn’t correct, the way you dealt with something wasn’t correct. It can be very frustrating as he corrects you as the two of you argue.
- Solution-focused: Like a typical guy, he may be predominantly solution focused when it comes to a girl’s problems. Instead of showing empathy he may jump straight to how he can fix the situation which can be frustrating if the girl just wants a companion to bounce things off. Solutions are good later on though!
- Stubborn: He can be very stubborn with the way he approaches things because he is so self-confident. If it doesn’t make sense to him, it’s not worth doing. He knows his way is the best way and will not be pressured by others. If he doesn’t like your friends, he’ll stick with that opinion. This is bad when you would like him to try something new or different. E.g. Going to the beach: if he says he hates water, he hates water. He will not go swimming with you even if you put on your best swimming costume. He’s even good at swimming when he was younger but now he just doesn’t like water. He prefers to watch.
- Spectator: Because he has his own ‘nerdy’ interests he would rather spend his time doing these than participate in social situations. E.g. parties / wedding receptions: he is too busy taking photos of the party, of the cake, of other people, of the menu, of the wedding dance; he’ll be at the front taken photos of the groups while not being in them himself…while you are sitting alone at the table eating by yourself. When you’re finally together he doesn’t want to dance…
- Planning can go to the extreme: He may plan a long way in advance for trivial things and he’ll expect you to do it too. I mean, I like planning, I’m a very organised person too, but when you find him stressing more about transport than thinking about the actual event you’re going to or went to, it can be frustrating.
- What are him and his friends talking about?: When with like-minded friends he may speak a different, nerdy language that you do not understand, or behave a bit differently to how he would normally behave around you.
- Critical: He gets very frustrated if people are not doing things efficiently or competently (because he always knows the better way). When he verbalises this it can come across as quite critical.
- Gaming: thankfully, my bf doesn’t game much anymore! and makes time to spend with me. So this is not so problematic.
Well, like I said, the good outweighs the bad. And anyway, most of these points are just extreme versions of the good points. Of course, every nerd has their own idiosyncrasies and these have been a bit of a description of the one that I have gotten to know. I hope this hasn’t offended anyone (keith!) as I only sought to bring out some of the quirks that come with going out with a software engineer…