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Happy Floral Tax Day

So, today is February 14th – better known as Valentine’s Day. A day where all non-single guys are expected to start digging into their wallets to please all of those non-single girls out there without being made to look cheap.

It’s kinda interesting how this works. I’ve been talking about this whole sham to a female colleague of mine and she says how even though she told her husband not to buy anything for her, she still expects something from him! I talked to Joyce about it and she (somewhat) agrees! Such are the mysteries of the females of our species.

I guess your mileage may vary, but it seems that Valentine’s Day happens to be a day where the guy is expected to pamper the woman. Funnily enough, I’ve never really heard of it being the other way round, where the girl is expected to do all of the gift buying and pampering the guy. Such is the equality of gender in the modern era.

Why is it that on this one particular day of the year, guys are expected to don on the suits of consumerism in order to show to their ladies that they love them. And to all you guys out there that think you can do that without buying anything, don’t kid yourselves.

Your wife/girlfriend will say something along the lines of “it’s OK, you don’t have to get me anything”, but they don’t really mean it. As per the discussions I’ve had with the opposite sex, they’ll mentally note that you didn’t get them anything for Valentine’s whilst their other girlfriends got pampered by their husbands/boyfriends. No matter how altruistic they may be, guys, if you’re not buying them anything, you’ve just earned yourself a permanent black mark next to your name.

And so, you end up being left to the mercy of the consumerist market… and they’re not exactly very forgiving on Valentine’s Day. The more money those big companies can squeeze out of you, the merrier they’ll be.

However, the problem lies not with females unable to say what they really want (though they must be given partial credit), but rather all of the marketing that goes on to make girls think this way in the first place. They are brainwashed into thinking that if a guy doesn’t give them anything on this very special day, then they love you not.

Pah!

You don’t frighten us, capitalistic pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called “Valentine’s Day”. You, and all your silly marketing! (For those who don’t get this, go watch Monty Python and the Holy Grail. If you don’t have a copy, it makes a good Valentine’s Day gift…)

Summary

• If you don’t buy your wife/girlfriend anything on Valentine’s Day, even when she tells you not to buy her anything, big boo boo.
• If you buy your wife/girlfriend Valentine’s Day stuff but not on the day itself, you’re a cheapskate and hence a big boo boo.
• If you buy your wife/girlfriend Valentine’s Day stuff (especially flowers) for the day, you just got rorted by the shops charging you a highly inflated price.
• Valentine’s Day is ultimately not about LOVE, but rather MONEY. Who are you kidding if you think otherwise?

Me, bitter? Never!