Bling Bling, Diamond Ring…
For those of you who read the title of this post and thought that it’s an engagement announcement, sorry for the disappointment.
I just came back from an awesome long weekend spent at the CCC 5pm Church Houseparty. This year’s theme was on the topic of money, and Nathan ‘Wal’ Walter gave a series of talks on issues that we face today as (relatively) rich Christians living in a materialistic society.
Now, one thing that has pretty much been ingrained in our culture is the whole engagement ring issue – the sparkly is taken to be a prerequisite to proposal. If you don’t have one, don’t bother popping the question. And of course, the bigger and shinier, the better.
While the concept of an engagement ring has been around since the 13th century, a bit of research reveals that the diamond ring as an engagement gift did not come abouts until the 1930s. The De Beers diamond company was experiencing a severe downturn in their diamond sales and so launched a national advertising campaign to promote its diamonds.
Throughout the subsequent decades, diamond ring sales continued to grow and by the 1980s, over 80% of brides had diamond engagement rings. Nowadays, they are almost synonymous and it’s even expected that the guy will spend two months of his salary on the ring [too many sources to cite].
So, despite its blatantly obvious ties with materialism, why is it that plenty of Christian females still subscribe to the whole “big chunky engagement ring” idea? I’ve seen some who even go around parading it off like it’s their most treasured thing on earth.
Furthermore, not only are the girls all going to go all goo-goo and gah-gah over it, there will be an implicit judgement of the quality of the ring. “Let’s see the ring!” the girls would say, after finding out that a friend has recently become engaged. The bigger and sparklier the ring, the more ooh’s and aah’s there will be.
When it comes to utility, however, the ring itself can be seen as a no trespassing sign, but does little more than that. For those who say that it is a declaration of love to your future spouse, then that’s an extremely narrow-minded view of love.
So why are guys expected to spend so much money on something that has such limited utility? To conform to worldly expectations? Why is it that if a guy drops $5k on an engagement ring, nobody will really notice anything unusual; Drop $5k into the church collection, and a few heads will turn.
Given that a Christian’s perspective of money is that it should be used wisely, with a priority in seeking to contribute to God’s Kingdom, should there be a change in mentality when it comes to this area?
The world views material possessions and wealth as a reflection of one’s status. As Christians, our status is that we are all saved by the blood of Jesus. God does not view the rich as more blessed than the poor, and in fact riches can be a hindrance (see Luke 18:18-30).
So girls, while it’s nice when your beau hands over a fat sparkly rock when he’s down on one knee asking you to marry him, think of how that money could have contributed to other ministries. Wouldn’t you think that it’s a more effective use of limited resources if the money went towards something that has truly eternal value?
And for the guys, I know that when it comes to forking out for the ring, be mindful of how much you’re dishing out. Society might say that you need to sign off two months of salary for the ring, but for a lot of us, 1/6th of your annual income isn’t exactly a miserly sum. Are you trying to please your potential spouse or God?
I guess a major difficulty that Christians face when dealing with wealth is that some aspects of it are so ingrained into society. While it’s relatively easy to recognise that hoarding and being selfish with money and material possessions is an ungodly behaviour, we get disappointed when we get something that doesn’t meet our expectations.
Changing our mentality when it comes to something that’s just so accepted as part of the norm is not easy – particularly when we’re not even aware that there is a problem. In fact, society will masquerade materialism under the veil of generosity. After all, you’re not spending money for yourself but for others.
Now, I write this both as a Christian and a guy. This means that my opinions will most likely be different to quite a lot of you. So, I value any opinions on this matter.
After reading your post, I also wondered what this meant for the act of gift-giving. Does that mean we give less ‘material’ gifts, but rather give gifts that help the person towards contentment?
But, as Wal said, we are free to do what we like, so I guess we can still give material gifts.
Still, I think that it means that we need to think carefully about what we give each other for presents. Obviously if it’s a gift from a marriage registry then at least we’re providing for the couple’s future home, so I guess that’s okay. In generaly, should we go back to more sentimental gifts? Food gifts? Holiday gifts? Gifts of Christian books/music/sermons……
It certainly reminds me of parents giving children gifts. Haha, there was this Oprah episode that looked at parents giving their child too much materially, some of the time it was a way of them ‘compensating’ for the time they would have spent with their child, but they were too busy to spend quality time with their child. Over time, these children stop loving the gift-giver but just want the gifts. What happens then is that the parents want to show that they love their child, and they feel the guilt of being a bad parent, and so they give in, and give their child more material things, and their child gets more brattier…and so the cycle is perpetuated. How sad…
Let’s strive to be more aware of our gift-giving habits. Of course, we can still get and give material stuff (because you’re free!), and it can make us happy for quite awhile, but I guess we should do it knowing that this stuff will not make us content, and we can only find true contentment in God, knowing that He provides us with all that we need (and more!).
I’m not the most conventional girl… but I say, stuff the engagement ring, it’s totally impractical (the rock is in the way, you need to take it off to wash the dishes!) and a waste of money. Give the money away.
I am a female who is the engagement process and looking for a ring. I was floored by the prices for rings.. I would rather put money away for retirement. While in the store I saw couples financing $6,000 rings. I also got a quote for that price… My spriit was vexed because I couldnt get it right. The cheapest I could find was $3,000. I htought about going with my birthstone or some other stone…. this is a total rip off and the reality is that the ring is not a measure of a man’s love for his future wife…… the way he loves her as Christ did is the measure.
Yeah, it’s sad that society these days seems to equate “love” with the amount of money you spend on your partner. It generates unrealistic expectations that could potentially lead to much grief later on down the track.
I guess as people living in this world, we just have to be wary that we don’t conform to it. It’s times like this that I’m reminded of 1 John 2:15-17 telling us not to love the world.