1. What is ‘Internet addiction’?

I’ll answer some of that below, but ‘Internet addiction’ may not really be addiction to the Internet, it may be addiction to pornography, gaming or socialising (e.g. Facebook)…of which the Internet is merely the medium. Some people have problems with compulsive shopping or gambling - of which the Internet could be the medium.

2. I don’t have ’substance dependence’ - that’s pretty extreme. But I do find that there are some unhelpful habits that I engage in such as spending a lot of time on Internet / social media. Am I addicted?

A lot of the points I raised in terms of what ‘addiction’ is could be relevant here. Even though there is no official diagnosis of ‘Internet Addiction’ at the moment (still being debated), the criteria for substance dependence could help us as a guide for what to look for, particularly the points relating to lack of control. Let me loosely outline those criteria again in a way that might be relevant:

a. Needing more and more of the activity in order to feel good (tolerance)

b. When the activity is abruptly stopped, you get ‘withdrawal symptoms’ - might be irritability, feeling low (withdrawal)

c. Spending more time than you intended on the activity

d. Attempts to reduce or stop the activity have been unsuccessful

e. A lot of time is spent on planning the activity, doing or recovering from the activity

f. The activity has impinged on other aspects of your life - occupational / academically, friends, family, e.g. repeatedly not meeting academic / occupational goals due to the activity, getting into arguments with family, not spending as much time with friends because of the activity

g. You continue to engage in the activity despite experiencing negative psychological or physical consequences.

You might not be as bad as the South Koreans when it comes to Internet addiction (http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/29/world/asia/29game.html), and for you it may not be an ‘Internet’ addiction but maybe it’s compulsive eating or something like that. But if you notice that you relate to a few of the points above it might be worth evaluating that activity. I’m not here to pathologise ‘normal’ behaviour - I mean, I’m sure many of us may be able to relate to at least 1 of the above points, but it doesn’t mean that we’re addicted! If you are able to relate to some of the above points, it may highlight that there are some unhelpful patterns of behaviour that you re-evaluate and give up to God.

I alluded last night to why some people get addicted to things apart from the properties of the substance. Often addictions serve a function in our lives to help us cope with something. Sometimes it might be to help us cope with really serious problems such as depression or social anxiety. Other times these repeated behaviours may help us deal with ‘milder’ problems in our life such as general low self-esteem, Uni stress, a difficult colleague or boss, relationship discontentment or general worry about our family or our future. Whatever it is, the activity helps us to ‘block out’ the problem for a short time, or give us ‘relief’ from difficult times - but this could result in a gradual lack of control and ultimately the activity taking over our lives.

3. “But I rely on things like gaming to de-stress. I don’t think I am addicted. It’s just my ‘winding down’ activity.”

I think if the person games to de-stress and it doesn’t impinge on their relationships with people, it doesn’t lead to any major adverse consequences; they say they’ll game for about 2 hours, and then they’re able to stop when required to fulfil life roles and obligations, then great! It’s a useful activity to include in one’s ‘toolbox’ of ‘de-stressing activities’. But if the person finds it increasingly difficult to stop, for example, they plan to play for 2 hours and they then get off the computer 5 hours later, then it might be time to pause and ask, ‘who really is in control here? Is it me, or gaming?’

God calls his people to self-control (think the fruit of the Spirit, also 1 Peter 4:7 and Eph 5:18). If there is something difficult going on in your life, and you’re repeatedly trying to cope with it without God this is not likely to be very effective. Furthermore, we are not supposed to be slaves to these things (1 Cor 6:12). Things like FB, food, relationships are good creations from God and are pleasant and ‘pain-relieving’ in the short-term; but they’re not designed to be the things we rely on to cope with life in the long-term. Nothing can take the place that God ultimately fills in being our comforter and our provider. We need to trust in God’s sovereignty over all situations in our life and be okay with some ‘pain’ in our lives if that’s what is required for us to grow, rather than try to ‘block out’ or ‘ignore’ problems with certain activities.

4. I’ve got a friend/ family member who has substance dependence / a gambling problem. What resources are available?

Here’s a list:

• NSW Department of Health Information for Family and Friends - some useful FAQs about family and friends struggling with someone who has a drug/alcohol problem and a list of phone lines to get in touch with drug health services in your area.
• NSW Department of Health Information for Parents - information for parents who have teenagers they are worried about.
• Alcohol and Drug Information Service 9361 8000 - to get a list of detox and rehab centres, outpatient counselling services, information about drugs, support groups. etc.
• www.psychology.org.au - to find a private psychologist who deals with substance abuse / problem gambling.
• www.firstlightcare.org.au - for counselling services in Cantonese, Mandarin and English. This is a Chinese parachurch organisation.
• Other non-government organisations such as the Salvos and Wesley Mission would have services for problem gambling.

Interestingly, mindfulness is a type of meditation practised in Buddhism. I had the opportunity to learn more about Buddhism a couple of weeks ago when our holiday small group listened to a couple of talks from Ps Jamie Rasmussen of MarketplaceBibleStudy.com (http://www.marketplacebiblestudy.com/2011/05/index.html) as they explored different world religions. We also had the privilege of having Clement and Jeff’s Buddhist friend come along to the group and clarify some of the Buddhist concepts for us.

From what I have gleaned from the past few weeks, the main idea behind Buddhism is that craving / attachment leads to suffering and therefore in order to avoid suffering then, one needs to cease craving. The way to do that is to follow the Noble Eight-fold Path, of which right ‘mindfulness’ is a part. When people practice mindfulness, they’ll be able to be more aware of their thoughts and realise how they can get ‘caught up’ or ‘attached’ to these thoughts. They can then recognise unhelpful thought patterns and unhelpful reactions. This can then lead to positive changes.

For example, for a client who has social anxiety problems, getting ‘caught up’ in thoughts like, ‘what if they don’t like me’ or ‘I don’t have anything interesting to say’ can lead to a lot of anxiety, worry, avoidance and distress. But, if they can learn how to just ’sit with’ the anxious thoughts and feelings (instead of being ‘attached’ to the thought) and not act in line with it (e.g. by staying at home, or drinking a lot of alcohol) that can lead to much more helpful behaviours. In the long-term, this person will be less dependent on alcohol as ‘liquid confidence’, get out more, and be able to stay in social situations despite feeling anxious. They might even realise that those situations are not as bad as they predict and eventually not have a problem with social anxiety anymore.

Despite its buddhist roots, I have not had an issue as a Christian teaching and practising ACT; and I think that that mindfulness and ACT is beneficial for anyone. Practising awareness of the present moment, identifying unhelpful thought patterns and identifying unhelpful reactions (that come about from getting ‘caught up’ with these thoughts) can free one up to make wiser decisions in life.

I have found that the points at which ACT does not fit well with Christianity do not occur at the surface level of techniques and practices, it occurs more at the philosophical level. Practising the mindfulness as part of the Noble Eight-fold Path as a Buddhist is ultimately supposed to be a way of ridding yourself of suffering. From what I understand, you would need to do it for a long time, and perfectly, before reaching Nirvana, which is the ultimate reality one is hoping to reach. Also, I am not sure that mosts Buddhists reach Nirvana.

From a Christian point of view, this is ‘works-based’ and assumes that humans can get there with human effort. Christianity instead says that no matter what humans do we can never get to the ‘ultimate reality’ (i.e. for a Christian - a relationship with God) on our own. It’s a ‘grace-based’ system where we’re able to get to God by trusting in Jesus, not by our ‘good works’. Whoever believes that Jesus is their Saviour and Lord can already reach ultimate reality. They receive it as a gift rather than earn it, so therefore they don’t have to keep trying for their whole lives.

Also, the idea that attachment leading to suffering is quite different to the Christian assumption. In Christianity, it is not our attachment to things that cause suffering; rather, suffering is a result of sin, a rebellion against God which is part of the human nature. From this perspective, mental control, wisdom and right living is not enough. It would be like treating the symptoms but not the disease. Even if I were to live perfectly from now on, my past sins have not been taken care of. Even if I was able to detach myself from my thoughts and live rightly now, it doesn’t guarantee that I won’t be struggling with it again in the future because the ‘disease’ is still there, causing the symptoms to surface every now and again.

So it needs to be said that despite all the really useful therapies out there, whether it be ACT or CBT, or even self-help books, diets,…or whatever it is you do to take your life problems away; even if you can successfully finish the therapy, control all your thoughts, treat other people nicely… the biggest problem in life still has not been addressed, which is sin and the need for a relationship with God. As Christians, we can look to Jesus and be thankful for God’s grace. We can have full certainty that we are saved because it is not based on our merit, but what He has done. Although we will still face life problems, we can have true peace, knowing that our biggest problem has been solved and we don’t have to keep on working towards bettering ourselves to be ‘good enough’.

That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t see a therapist if you think it would help! If you have a problem that modern psychology can help you with, by all means do see a psychologist and make an appointment!

As a clinical psychologist who is also a Christian, I get asked a lot by friends for a recommendation for a Christian psychologist. Given that I am not doing private practice at this point in time (I work for a public hospital clinic) and that even if I were I can’t have as a client anyone that I know (that would be a ‘dual relationship’ which can impair objectivity and/or judgement of the psychologist), I try and find someone for them to refer to (although I don’t know a great deal of psychologists who are Christian so let me know if you are one!). Though technically, all clinical psychologists should be sensitive to a clients’ religious background and it shouldn’t matter that much whether they are Christian or not. Besides, the clinician’s particular branch of ‘Christianity’ may differ to yours.

Whether or not someone is seen by a Christian or non-Christian psychologist, I think the important thing is that one is able to understand how their particular problem affects, or is contributed to by, one’s religious beliefs - whether a clinician helps in that process, or you piece together the connections yourself (through talking with your pastor, friends, family). What matters is that therapy is delivered in a religiously sensitive way. It may contribute a lot or none at all. Of course, if you have a sense that your particular problem is intricately linked to your attitudes towards ‘grace’ or some other Christian doctrine or idea, then it’s probably a good idea to speak to someone who knows what you’re talking about.

If you’re thinking about seeking help, also remember…

1. Psychological therapy is not a substitute for God

Just because a Christian goes to see a psychologist, does not mean that they stop trusting in God. Going to see a psychologist doesn’t mean you’ve given up on the ’spiritual’ and traded it for the ’secular’. Like other physical problems such as having the flu, chronic health problems, or cancer, where God works through doctors, medications to heal a person physically, God can work through counsellors / psychologists to heal a person emotionally / psychologically. We can trust God AND actively seek help. Like any other stressor in life, such as having upcoming exams where we can ask God for a favourable outcome but also study hard at the same time, we can pray for emotional healing but also put into practice what the psychologist has taught in each session.

2. Struggling with a psychological problem does not mean you are a ‘weak’ Christian

Some well meaning people can advise those with emotional problems such as depression and anxiety to ‘pray more’ and ‘trust in God more’, which can come across as implying that those who are struggling don’t do it enough (they may well be). Those struggling with these issues may feel like they are not as strong as others who on the surface, seem to be happy all the time.

The predominant explanation behind ‘why you feel the way you do’ is that unhelpful beliefs and attitudes triggered off by current events and developed throughout the years (particularly when you were a child) are responsible for why you are feeling the way you do. You’ve also learnt various ways of dealing with problems, and over the years have learnt ways to cope (can be positive or negative). For example, you might have a deep seated belief that ‘I’m not good enough as a person’ which makes you feel down, and you cope with that belief by working really hard to achieve in life. A friend of yours may have a similar belief and emotion, but cope with it by consuming alcohol.

We all have different beliefs and attitudes with varying levels of ‘helpfulness’, but for some, under certain circumstances, unhelpful beliefs have been triggered and have led to their current problem. These problems can feel like a ‘test’ for your faith, as it questions the things that you know about God, yourself, the world, others; and what you experience in the world can seem to contradict what you have read in the bible. So, this does not mean you are a weak Christian, put simply, a normal person going through a hard time and struggling to cope with it due to what kinds of beliefs and coping strategies and predominated so far in life.

I hope to write more again soon, so let me know if there is anything you want me to write about!

Given the date and content of the previous post, I thought the title of this one is somewhat appropriate…

Anyway, in the five months since that post, Joyce and I got married, went to New Zealand on our honeymoon, moved into our new place and have started to settle down at our new place.

For some photos from the wedding taken by Jenny, go to her website and follow these instructions:

1. Click on either the FLASH or HTML portfolio link.
2. Click on CLIENTS down the bottom.
3. Enter as password: “wdkj090328″ (colour) or “wdkj090328bw” (black & whites)

For some photos from the honeymoon, I wouldn’t hold my breath because I haven’t really gotten around to going through them yet… requires more emotional and mental juice than I have spare at the moment.  Hopefully they’ll be done in the next few weeks.

On another note, I’ve finally signed up for World of Warcraft.  It’s great to while the hours away between the time when Joyce sleeps (she sleeps early) and when I actually feel sleepy.  It requires virtually no mental activity (at least not at my n00b level anyway), and provides just enough stimulus to not be boring.  Great for zonking out after a tiring day at work.

One thing that I’ve found interesting is that the Auction Houses in the game are a fairly close analogue to real life markets.  At the end of the day, you’re faced with the big question “How much is this worth?” (pricing).  I’ve had my account for about four weeks, and really only started paying attention to the AH for about a week or so.  I’ve written an addon to mine the AH data for analysis and so far in the 3-4 days that I’ve been “trading”, I’ve made about 300g.  Not bad for about 15 mins each day on the AH… could just be beginner’s luck

Another thing I find amusing is the almost Pavlovian “ding! grats” response.  For those who aren’t familiar, whenever someone gains a new level, they shout out “ding!” and almost always you’ll get a bunch of people who reply with “grats”.  I think I’ll try an experiment where one weekend I’ll just march into an AH (where I believe it’s impossible to level up) and just yell out “ding!” just to see what responses I get…

Anyway, thanks to an inadvertent over-consumption of caffeine during the evening, it’s now almost 2am and I’m still sitting here unable to sleep, so I’m sorting out some wedding stuff.  I’ve written some Perl/LaTeX bits and pieces to auto-generate the placecards, and the order-of-service contents.  All that’s left now is to actually get the content finalised and then it’s off to the printers.

Five weeks left and counting…

Grace and Chris’ Wedding

MKC 2008

Melbourne Trip

CCC Combined Houseparty 2008

Susie’s Graduation

City B&W Night Shoot

Joyce’s M Clin Psych Graduation

Peter and Winnie’s Wedding

Muso Retreat 2008

James and Bertie’s Wedding

RICE Regenerate 2008

RICE Rally 2008

Engage 2008

KT and Erica’s Wedding

Anyway, I never thought I’d come across one of these, but for one of the properties, I found this Special Condition in the contract:

The Vendor discloses that there may have occurred within or upon the property the most extreme human and/or other obscenities the Purchaser can imagine. Without limiting the scope and meaning of “obscenities”, they may include extreme acts in violation of the criminal and other law, acts of sacrilege, Satanism, hedonism, acts in abuse of culture or custom and acts calculated or likely to induce disgust, dread, horror, repugnance and/or revulsion on any scale in good men and women.  The purchaser acknowledges that it is a matter for his due diligence to exercise his own imagination for the purpose of this Special Condition.

I wonder what happened…

In a nutshell, the participants were asked to watch something that mimiced loading of medical websites, and were asked questions about these sites.  Thrown in for good measure were some fake popups, and the researchers were really only interested in how the participants would respond to these popups.

Now, I haven’t actually read the full experiment and its findings, so I can only go by what the article says.  Apparently, the conclusion was that users are still clueless to popups because they’d click on them even when they’re fake.  I’ll let you read the article yourself for the gory details.

I wonder whether the researchers considered the fact that people probably cared less about malware on public university computers, than their own.  It’d be interesting to repeat the experiment, but the participants were required to view the websites on their own computer.  Would they expect to see the same “idiocy” rate?

There have also been other things to prepare for such as for a place to live in. Hopefully when Keith’s work releases their hold on him he will have time to look into getting us a loan. But most importantly, these past few months have been a good time to think about marriage itself, and not just the wedding. The wedding is just one day and sure, it’s an important day but I believe that one should also prepare adequately for the challenges of marriage.

From doing the pre-marital marriage inventory, Keith and I have found that our ‘growth areas’ aka weaknesses are conflict resolution, communication and something else I can’t remember. It’s been really helpful to sit down and formally think through things with an older, wiser and impartial third party. I’m thankful to God that Keith and I have many strengths together: marriage expectations, relationship roles, spiritual beliefs and leisure activities. It’s going to be interesting in our next session discussing the contribution of our family of origin into our relationship.

Please pray for us as we prepare not just for our wedding, but also for a lifetime together of commitment, love and service to one another and to our Lord. Over the months God has really hit it home that I can do nothing apart from the work of the Holy Spirit. So please pray that we would love and follow Jesus and allow the richness of that to overflow into our love for one another.

Anyway, Joyce and I recently met up with the minister who will be conducting the ceremony.  He seems like a very nice guy, and full of wisdom — he reassured us that after being in the business of marrying people for 37 years, he can run the day with his eyes closed.

One of the things that he mentioned was regarding the part where he would ask the ceremony attendees “… if anybody has any legal reasons as to why these two should not be married, please speak now or forever hold your peace.”

Apparently, a celebrant can stop the wedding in accordance with the Marriage Act if any of the following circumstances are met (more or less summarised from here):

1. Either of the couple are not above the legal age to be married.
2. Either of the couple are currently already lawfully married to someone else.
3. The couple are related to one another (ancestor/descendant, or whole/half-blood sibling)
4. Consent from either parties is not real (e.g. duress, mistaken identity, mentally impaired)

If nobody can provide any evidence to support any of the above statements, then the marriage is considered lawful in accordance with the Marriage Act.  Should someone decide to run down the aisle and do the whole Hollywood-esque “… but I love him/her!” spiel with associated ensuing drama, then it’s “tough cookies” [I believe that's the phrase he used].  More interestingly, he could take the matter to court and the magistrate can award all wedding costs to be paid by that person.

On the subject of weddings, congrats to Nat and Sally-Ann on tying the knot yesterday!  Hope you guys really enjoy married life and all that it brings.